Egads, I’m at work and I need to look busy. So, I’m typing this on Word Format for me to paste in Blogspot later. :-)
There’s not much to do at work lately, given that most of my accounts have already settled or have entered into a settlement with me. For the remaining accounts that are still substantial in terms of outstanding obligation, sensitizing their business projections doesn’t hold too much appeal at the moment. I could read Cosmo magazine but given the time of day (10AM), I don’t think that’s appropriate. Hahaha!
Hay, business projections and audited historical financial statements. I’ve been in account management for 12 years. Short Term Lending, Term Lending, Bridge Financing, Loan Restructuring, what have you. In the early 90’s, if the Bank wants your business, it will lend you money. The financials was just to comply with CPS Audit and gives just the right touch of panache to your Credit Application (CA). But of course, you gotta know how to read the numbers.
Bottomline is, if a borrower wants to pay the credit he owes, he pays. It may be immediate or it may take some time, but he will pay. If he doesn’t have the money, he becomes creative and tries to come up with some form of repayment.. But if the borrower turns out to be a sleaze, and there are a lot of sleazes out there, whether he has the money or not, if he doesn’t want to pay, he’s NOT gonna pay. “ Fuck you all, man! You talk to my fuckin lawyer”.
And we answer back with, ”Screw you, you’re in deep shit that comes from your own ASShole, you jerk!” And at this point, what both sides REALLY REALLY want to say is “TangInaMO! TangInaMOrin!
So we litigate until the Bell tolls for whoever. This business of Credit has made a lot of lawyers happy and rich who in turn are able to send their kids off to good schools with their English speaking Yayas, totting the latest Nokia series and I-Pods.
You see? This is my world. It pays well where I am now, but comes with a great deal of mental exhaustion and stress.
And then there’s my Personal life, which apart from having Anton, hasn’t seen the world through rose colored glasses for a long long time. 3 days worth of what I thought was a strong resolve to break ties with TB broke down in heaps on the bedroom floor and I ended calling him up at 2AM…sniveling and defeated.
There’s not much to do at work lately, given that most of my accounts have already settled or have entered into a settlement with me. For the remaining accounts that are still substantial in terms of outstanding obligation, sensitizing their business projections doesn’t hold too much appeal at the moment. I could read Cosmo magazine but given the time of day (10AM), I don’t think that’s appropriate. Hahaha!
Hay, business projections and audited historical financial statements. I’ve been in account management for 12 years. Short Term Lending, Term Lending, Bridge Financing, Loan Restructuring, what have you. In the early 90’s, if the Bank wants your business, it will lend you money. The financials was just to comply with CPS Audit and gives just the right touch of panache to your Credit Application (CA). But of course, you gotta know how to read the numbers.
Bottomline is, if a borrower wants to pay the credit he owes, he pays. It may be immediate or it may take some time, but he will pay. If he doesn’t have the money, he becomes creative and tries to come up with some form of repayment.. But if the borrower turns out to be a sleaze, and there are a lot of sleazes out there, whether he has the money or not, if he doesn’t want to pay, he’s NOT gonna pay. “ Fuck you all, man! You talk to my fuckin lawyer”.
And we answer back with, ”Screw you, you’re in deep shit that comes from your own ASShole, you jerk!” And at this point, what both sides REALLY REALLY want to say is “TangInaMO! TangInaMOrin!
So we litigate until the Bell tolls for whoever. This business of Credit has made a lot of lawyers happy and rich who in turn are able to send their kids off to good schools with their English speaking Yayas, totting the latest Nokia series and I-Pods.
You see? This is my world. It pays well where I am now, but comes with a great deal of mental exhaustion and stress.
And then there’s my Personal life, which apart from having Anton, hasn’t seen the world through rose colored glasses for a long long time. 3 days worth of what I thought was a strong resolve to break ties with TB broke down in heaps on the bedroom floor and I ended calling him up at 2AM…sniveling and defeated.
I felt worse without him.
Mirabelle asked Ray Porter why he can’t love her and Ray said, “I thought you understood.” I understood every word TB told me. Digesting it was another thing. Do I look stupid? Maybe I am.
What did I see in TB that allowed him to have such a hold on me? Intelligence? Nah, Joey was an economics major in Ateneo and was at the top of his class, not to mention a master’s degree in Law in Harvard. But I got over Joey very quickly.
What about Wit? Humour? Charm?..... Nah.
Manny was very witty and can come up with very good quips.
Rojun can keep me laughing till my stomach hurt and tears well up in my eyes.
Jojo was extremely charming and he wooed me with letters dripping with honey.
But when things ended with these guys, it stayed ended. Period. I never called them at 2AM.
Maybe TB has a combination of all of these traits plus he relates very well. But hey, so did these other guys.
Maybe because he is OLD…ER? I don’t think age has got to do with it.
Love is love. I was taught that one should never put conditions or obstacles when you love. You allow it to grow and make it thrive within you. Its not, “I will love you if…..” but rather “I love you inspite……”
When love leaves, you let it go as gently as the first time it came knocking.
After the many times I’ve thought and debated over my predicament over and over and over and over for the past 3 years, the conclusion is that this is just how it will be for me with him.
Paolo Coelho said it in his book. “Maktub”. It is written. My Jeddah-based cousin would say, “Inshallah”. In God’s hands.
Will leave it at that.