I'M NOT OK

Quite a number of people (and growing by leaps and bounds) find Blogging an excellent catharsis as there is something wickedly appealing in sharing yourself and your personal concerns in the World Wide Web (www). All of a sudden, you just don't exist to people who personally know you or who knows of you. You EXIST! and the Web makes sure everyone else knows that fact.

However, you don't share everything in the WWW. There are things about me and going on with me, which for quite obvious reasons, I don't post in my blog. A lot of people, family members included, think that by their standards, everything is going great with me. At work, our staff assistant says she likes my happy disposition.

That's not true. I package myself this way so they won't bother me and find something else to talk about. I disgust myself when I pretend to be OK when its not. It hasn't been OK for several years and its NOT going to be OK for quite some time. Don't ask me why I'm too harsh on myself because deep down in the gut where it matters, I know. I just grin and bear it, live day to day, and not say anything.

That's the real score.


P.S. I got this from Bunny's latest Blog Entry:
"Santa can you hear me?
I have been so good this year and all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is near
He's all I want, just for me, underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here Santa, that's my only wish this year"

---My Only Wish This Year, Britney Spears