I had this dream last night, or was it the night before (?), about me riding a ferris wheel. It was one of those small town 12-open cart ferris wheels, with rusty bars and rusty latches, which gives you a false sense of security. Anyway, in my dream, my cart was always the one on top that's about to come down, the one that makes my stomach churn as it moves forward to make the descent. I was holding the sides of the cart ever so tightly, afraid that if I let go, I was going to fall off. I went on several turns until the dream faded.
Ever been in a situation where you're standing or sitting in front of a guy who just wants to be your friend, talking about the most mundane of things, when all you want to do is to hold his hand, or to hug him tight and whisper in your heart that you love him?
Loving a person doesn't guarantee that he will love you back the way you want him to. When we don't get what we want, we do a showbiz scenario and perform the usual "don't call me" spiel, but in the end, you just have to accept what he can give you because you'd rather have him in your life than not having him at all. You continue to love him secretly, to enjoy his company, while taming all the impulses that wants to be acknowledged at the sight of him.
I'm sorry but I'm still in love with him and I know that for as long as I continue to be friends with him, its not going to go away, its not going to go away, its not going to go away. But I also know that I can't let go of his friendship because he really is a good person. This is the real deal situation and I really have to live with it, to maintain an arm's length distance no matter how hard, and having said that, to continue with my life's journey and one day hope to meet the right someone who is worthy of replacing him in my heart.