I'm into my second week recovering from the Dengue Fever and so far, so good. I got the results of my platelet count and I have a whopping 336,000 of them inside my gorgeous body. Hehe. Couldn't believe it was down to 24,000 only two weeks ago. Dengue is slowly reaching epidemic proportion in some parts of Metro Manila. Grabe, I'm part of the statistics that the DOH recently released of those people who have acquired Dengue from January to August of this year, most of them children. I also realized that all those days I was confined at Makati Medical, I never once prayed and asked for healing. I guess even my spirituality had sunk to an all time low. I'm sure my parents prayed on my behalf.
Anyway, this post will serve as my last one mentioning my Tagaytay Buddy (TB). I've realized, and have come to terms, that TB can never consider me anything more but just a friend. I told him how I felt and sadly he doesn't feel the same way. It took a lot of guts on my part, admitting how I felt, but I realized that I had to know where I stood with him because being in Limbo is so much worse. A friend told me my body was ready to get sick because my immunity was low due to heartsickness. So, in this thing called Love, I lost again but hey, admitting my feelings for him felt good because it lifted a big load off my chest.
Initially, my first response to my loss was to break contact with him by changing my cell phone number and changing my blog address until I realized that ignoring him was worse because I was missing him too much. So now, I've psyched myself up by telling myself, "Ton, which part of the sentence 'hindi ka niya gusto' ang hindi mo maintindihan?" I've been drumming this sentence into my head for quite some time now and I've been teasing him lately about getting lucky with other women...which I'm sure he has. TB is a very nice guy. I guess I just got carried away and expected too much from him.
Tulak ng bibig, kabig ng dibdib. I want him to choose me but you just don't force these things. I've stopped romanticizing of us ending up together in the future and I've lately been praying again for the right person to come along.
And so to my T.B., my heart continues to beat for you but you don't need to hear that anymore. Thank you for the wonderful times spent together no matter how seldom they were. I will try to be an honest to goodness friend to you and I hope that someday, we both will find our true happiness.